listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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