I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
