but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
