I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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