Me too!
Don't make out with my wife yet
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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