Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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