I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
