I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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