I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
