ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
