He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
