I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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