You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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