My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
