she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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