Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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