party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
