I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Text me some of your sweat
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