There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
