i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
