She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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