is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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