My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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