My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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