So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
