im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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