when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize