WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
