Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize