also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
