I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
