Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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