I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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