Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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