I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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