I'm so fucking centered right now
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize