Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pooping to opera.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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