I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize