For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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