dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
