Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
