I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
