Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
