she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
