My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
