i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
