ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
