Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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