Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
