i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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