Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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