somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Rumble strips road head = magical
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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