LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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