Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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