So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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