around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
