Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My cat gives me a boner
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
