One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
