i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
