drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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