wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
