whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
