? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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