I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm really busy with my period
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