Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
