I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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