My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
