it hurts more in the daytime
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
